Have you made over your metabolism yet?

Me neither.

You may have seen the book, “Make Over Your Metabolism” by Robert Reames.  According to the book cover, Reames was the official trainer for  Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge.

Athough his book came out back in 2006, and Dr. Phil’s Challenge ended around that same time, Reames is still active in the fitness community (unlike Dr. Phil…).  I saw an article today in which Reames recommended taking a fitness test to establish a baseline and measure progress.  And he just happened to include a fitness test in the article!

“Great!” I thought, temporarily forgetting that I hate all fitness tests.

 
                                          [art credit: jtrue]

Setting a baseline sounds good, right?  That’s what I thought at first, too.  Here’s how it went:

1-Minute Wall Push-Up.  Stand in front of a wall, an arm’s length away, legs a bit wider than shoulder width with a slight bend in your knees.  Put your hands on the wall, arms fully extended in front of your shoulders.  Pull in your belly button, but don’t allow your back to arch.  Bend your elbows to no more than a 90-degree angle. Keep your body in a straight line.  Push back out.  That’s one pushup.  Now count the number you can do in 1 minute.

Pull in my belly button?  Can’t remember the last time I did that…..

Thirty seconds into it, I was sure there was a problem with the space-time continuum…. “Shouldn’t this be over by now?” But I made it through.  And according to Reames’ chart, I was “OK, but room to improve.” 

I’ve heard that before.

Reames recommends bench presses (my favorite) and cable crossovers (I don’t think they allow that kinky stuff at my gym).

Undaunted, I moved onto the next section:

1-Minute Chair Squat. Stand with feet slightly wider than shoulder width with a chair behind you for support. Keep your arms at your sides unless you need to grab the chair for balance.  Bend your knees as if you’re going to sit then stop just before your bottom makes contact with the chair (but no lower than 90 degrees).  Return to the standing position.  That’s one.  Count the number you can do in 1 minute.

This tests lower-body and back strength, as well as joint suppleness.  Based on my performance, I’m not as supple as I could be.  Reames rates me as “Not bad.”  That’s actually kinder than what I told myself, which was “Quit using the elevator and get your ass up some stairs!”

Then on to the fun part of the show:

1-Mile Test.  Find a school track (4 laps is a mile) or a level trail where a mile is marked out.  Walk, jog, or run the mile as quickly as you safely can.  If you need to, rest along the way.  Use a stopwatch to record your time.

One lap in, I suddenly recalled that fitness tests suck.  Visions of high school gym class played in my head  as I wheezed in oxygen like it was going out of style.

One mile and 23 minutes later, Reames’ evaluation of my running performance was “Fair to middling.”  It’s not bad enough that I was subjected to my own painful memories of high school gym assessments, but now he uses an obscure adjective to call me mediocre? 

After realizing that I have subjected Reames to severe-crabbiness-induced-by-my-own-out-of-shapeness, I move on.

Single-Leg Balance.  Begin in a clean, flat area free of anything that could hurt you if you fall.  Stand with your feet about shoulder width apart.  Lift one leg, knee bent, in front of you for as long as possible, up to 3 minutes.  Repeat with the other leg and record your times.

This sounded like the easiest of the four tests!  But I soon learned otherwise.

Less than a minute into leg #1, my abs were screaming and my ankle was talking back to me from all the wobbling I was doing.  Leg #2 was even more pitiful.  I scored another “OK, but can be better” and read that spending time on one foot while talking on the phone can help balance.  Not sure that’s a good idea for me, since most of my on-the-phone time is in the car or at the grocery store.

The bad news: My results show that I’m officially “OK,” “mediocre,” and “not bad.”

The good news: it should be easy to make measurable progress as I work to defeat my Inner Slug each day and get to the gym.

Tags: Dr. Phil, fitness test, Robert Reames